This is another on-going category for this blog - I hope to get some thoughts and ideas on a number of topics on this journey to 50. I welcome opinions and promise to, indeed, be open to suggestion when I ask, and even when I don't.
Certainly an everyday role for me in this journey, at least for 9 more years, is that of a mother to teenage boys. I love being a mother, and like many of you, truly enjoy both of my sons with the occasional exception. I don't pretend to understand how the teenage mind works here in the 21st Century, and I certainly have some questions as I go along - so here goes.
The most recent quandary has to do with my older son, Jack. Jack is 15 and a sophomore in high school. He is a great kid. He has Bill's social skills and my sense of humor and lots of his own unique qualities.
What he has not seemed to inherit or pick up along the way, are good study skills. He is a pretty good student, but he's less than motivated to do anything beyond the daily homework (which is plenty) and therefore, isn't very prepared for tests and we all know where that goes.
So Bill and I are talking to him (I'm sure it seems endless and tedious to him), yelling at him, sometimes, and probably missing something fundamental about how we can really help him. Jack has talked to his teachers and we will go to meet with teachers/administrators in school to discuss it there too.
I am not a helicopter parent, and I don't want to become one, but I do want to figure out how to help him help himself. Maybe I'm too competitive, and I should just leave him alone (truly not in my nature) or maybe there is another way to approach it that would be more effective. I'm not expecting high school to be without angst, but I'd love to get to a truce on this issue if we can.
I know I'm opening myself up here, but if you have experience with this or suggestions of how else to approach it - I'd love to hear them. I'm all in favor of collective wisdom.
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I have a 21 year old son and a 14 year old son, so I think I know what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteOne of the only things that "worked" at that age was taking away social activities.
This can be hell for you, with a LOT of bitching - but effective, when they know you mean business.
Also, if they don't have a job, stop giving them money.
Good luck!